Setting: A gym. Afternoon.
At Rise: HOT GRANDPA is working out. Men and women pass by and gives him “looks.” WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA enters.
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WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Hi.
(WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA puts down her bag and starts doing warm-ups. HOT GRANDPA notices her and starts doing squats.)
HOT GRANDPA: Do you want a spotter?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: I’ve got a boyfriend, but okay. Let me finish my warm-ups.
HOT GRANDPA: I’ve never seen you here before.
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: I’ve seen you here lots of times.
HOT GRANDPA: Have you? Why haven’t you asked me out?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Well, someone has a high opinion of himself.
HOT GRANDPA: Yes, I do. You must know that I’m Hot Grandpa. I’ve been featured on GQ.
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: You do have very nice hair.
HOT GRANDPA: Thank you. Is that all you like?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Sweetie, don’t you know I’m known for beating guys up. Remember the headline “Weightlifting Grandma foils home invasion”?
HOT GRANDPA: Oh…right. It’s amazing that we both live in the same town and go to the same gym. What are the chances of that?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: There’s something in the water.
(More Hot Grandpas and Weightlifting Grandmas walk by.)
HOT GRANDPA: I guess I never noticed. I really should stop looking at myself in the mirror.
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Yes! Look beyond your own abs. You might get to know some pretty interesting people.
HOT GRANDPA: Can we start over?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: You can be a meathead at any age. (pause) Well?
HOT GRANDPA: Hi, my name is Jared. What’s your name?
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Sylvia.
HOT GRANDPA: Nice to meet you, Sylvia.
WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA: Nice to meet you, Jared. I bet I could lift you over my head with one arm.
HOT GRANDPA: Why not?
(WEIGHTLIFTING GRANDMA lifts HOT GRANDPA.)
Photo Credit: Peggy Marco, “Weights,” 2016