Setting: A senior living community. Day.
At Rise: ORLANDO has a bottle of wine and some wine glasses. ORLANDO knocks on KAREN’s door. KAREN opens the door.
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KAREN: Hi. Can I help you?
ORLANDO: Hi, I’m Orlando. I live next door.
KAREN: (surprised) Oh. You’re the new resident?
ORLANDO: Yes.
KAREN: Aren’t you a little young?
ORLANDO: Yes, I am. Would you like some wine?
KAREN: Why not? It’s past noon.
(ORLANDO takes out an empty glass and pours KAREN some wine.)
KAREN: How did you end up here?
ORLANDO: By accident. I didn’t know this was what they meant by “senior housing.”
KAREN: What did you think they meant?
ORLANDO: I’m a senior at State University. I thought this was the cool off-campus housing.
KAREN: You’re half right. This place is cool. We’ve got pool parties on Wednesdays, cannabis cooking club on Sundays, and an illegal poker room in the basement after hours. Cash only. No crypto.
ORLANDO: Is there trivia and karaoke?
KAREN: We’ve got that too, but that’s just for show. You know, for when our children come over or when there’s a photo op with the administrators.
ORLANDO: I actually like playing trivia. That’s how I pay for my groceries.
KAREN: Do you want to make some real money?
ORLANDO: How illegal are we talking here?
KAREN: No, no. It’s all perfectly legal. I have a side business writing dating profiles for horrible people that don’t deserve to find love. I’m looking for someone who can write really bad dating profiles.
ORLANDO: People pay you for that?
KAREN: They do. Sometimes they don’t even realize they’re bad because they can’t imagine that a little ‘ol lady like me could write something awful. Either way, I get paid in advance and don’t offer refunds. They’re usually too embarrassed to admit they got scammed. Plus, it’s not worth the expense of hiring a lawyer.
ORLANDO: How much are we talking here?
KAREN: Twenty-five dollars to read their initial request. Usually two hundred bucks a whack for the full profile.
ORLANDO: Wow. You certainly know how to hustle. (pause) Aren’t you worried AI is going to take a huge bite out of your dating profile business?
KAREN: Nah. The people that hire me don’t know how to write data prompts. So are you in?
ORLANDO: Sure. If you’re willing to train.
KAREN: You’ve brought wine so you’re already halfway there.
ORLANDO: I’m so happy I moved here!
(KAREN and ORLANDO exit into KAREN’s apartment.)
THE END.
Photo Credit: F. Muhammad, “Real Estate,” 2020