LINDA: Dr. Lara and designer Frank were visiting the newest monument in Springfield.
RAE: Frank was one of the four finalists for the monument’s design.
LINDA: Dr. Lara was a consultant for the project because the monument honored the field of medicine.
RAE: She said that it would be in poor taste to have a monument that was a giant tablet engraved with “Yay Drugs!”
LINDA: Frank agreed that it would be tacky and the design she submitted involved a giant stethoscope.
RAE: Frank didn’t win.
LINDA: And now they were both looking at the giant tablet designed by Lucy, the pharmaceutical rep.
RAE: Frank debated taking a sledgehammer to Lucy’s monument and thought about how it would be difficult to be a vegan in prison.
LINDA: Dr. Lara warned her, “I did my residency at a prison. Just because they say it’s vegan, doesn’t mean that it is. I tested a sample at the lab once and the vegan meat turned out to be chicken!”
RAE: “Fine,” Frank groused. “Why would anyone want that? How much money did she pay them? It’s so ugly!”
LINDA: At that moment, the sun set and the lights came up, creating a glowing effect on the giant tablet and a rainbow of colors highlighting “Yay Drugs!”
RAE: “The Entry of the Gladiators” started playing on a loop from the monument in time with the pattern of the “Yay Drugs!” lights.
LINDA: Dr. Lara said, “Okay, this monument officially sucks.”
RAE: All of a sudden storm clouds gathered and the monument was struck by lightning.
LINDA: Frank and Dr. Lara ran for cover as the monument broke into a million pieces.
RAE: The wind swept away all of the pieces, leaving an empty pedestal.
LINDA: Frank looked at Dr. Lara and said, “I guess I don’t need to worry about the vegan chicken.”
Photo Credit: birgl, “Medicine Tablets,” 2022