The following letter can be used as an acting exercise, a reader’s theatre exercise, or as a performance piece!
To Mrs. Jang:
This letter is to inform you that you have failed to make your past three payments on the installment plan to Sparky Dog McDoggington Breeders, LLC. Sparky Dog McDoggington Breeders, LLC has initiated repossession proceedings against you and has notified the appropriate credit bureaus re: your defaulting on these payments.
As per the agreement, your hypoallergenic goldendoodle will need to be returned to us within 30 days. The goldendoodle is due no later than Friday, December 25th at 11:59 p.m. If you fail to return the goldendoodle to us, we will take legal action and you will be required to pay a daily penalty of $500/day until the goldendoodle is returned.
Please be advised that substitutions will not be accepted by Sparky Dog McDoggington Breeders, LLC. Every goldendoodle is extensively photographed, nose-and paw-printed, bark-recorded, and cataloged in our system. The goldendoodle must pass our 24-point inspection in order to be valid. (Also, please do not steal someone else’s dog or give us a golden retriever or a poodle.)
Once we receive the goldendoodle, we will thoroughly retrain the goldendoodle so that it forgets all about you, including the name you gave it, your scent, favorite toys, games, and snacks you shared with them, and any other happy memories you and/or your family created with the goldendoodle. While this might sound distressing, please know that we care deeply about every one of our goldendoodles, and our methods are to ensure that the goldendoodle will be able to fully integrate into a new life with a different owner.
If you pay the past-due amount of $5000 in full upon receipt of this letter you may retain possession of the aforementioned hypoallergenic goldendoodle.
We hope that we will be able to come to a pleasant resolution.
Sincerely,
Canus, Wolfgang, and Barkington, Attorneys at Law
Retriever (and Doodle) Repossession Agents
Acting on Behalf of Sparky Dog McDoggington Breeders, LLC
(Photo Credit: Daniel Brachlow, “Goldendoodle,” 2016)
I always wanted a Goldendoodle,
Maybe I can help reprogram this one.
FREE ofcourse!!
Would make a great Christmas gift!!!
Very funny!!!
sounds like you would be good fit to work for Sparky Dog McDoggington Breeders, LLC!