The following letter can be used as an acting exercise, a reader’s theatre exercise, or as a performance piece!
Dear Joey,
We would like to congratulate you for being accepted to the Mead School of Medicinal Plants! As a graduate of the Mead School of Medicinal Plants you will be fully credentialed to refer to yourself as an expert for all Multi-Level Marketing programs involving essential oils, tinctures, and salves.
Some of our most famous alumni include Missy Jane from the soap opera Only Time Will Tell, NBA basketball player Frank Chang, best-selling children’s author No Nonsense Nancy, and International playboy George Kang. We are proud to have to join the Mead School of Medicinal Plants family.
To confirm your place in our next term, please complete our registration process. You will need the following documents:
- Credit report
- Complete health history
- Names & contact information for your immediate family and 10 friends
- First payment of $7,000. (Note: You can split your payment between multiple credit cards).
- If you encourage at least 5 additional people to enroll and make a deposit before the start of next term, you will be credited 5% of your program fee.
- Every additional person after 5 will give you a credit of .005% of your program fee.
Once you have confirmed your place and we have received your deposit, please select one of the following programs so that you can be connected to an advisor:
- Option #1: Entrepreneurship for Cats (Note: This is only for cats, not dogs. If you are interested in dogs, please see Option #3)
- Option #2: Magic and Murderous Mushrooms
- Option #3: Scents for Air Fresheners, Perfumes, and Garbage Bags (Note: this includes dog poop bags!)
To prepare for the upcoming semester, please read the following books:
- The Poisoner’s Handbook
- How to Forage for Mushrooms
- The Kitchen Witch’s Introduction to Aromatherapy
- Best Strategies to Multi-Level Marketing
- The Complete Guide to Extradition Treaties
- Why We Love Baking Soda
- The Book of Cheese
Please remember that you will not be a board-certified nutritionist or medical professional, and that a condition of joining our school is exempting us from any liability. This includes being sued or prosecuted for any activities in which you utilize knowledge gained during your time at the Mead School of Medicinal Plants.
We look forward to seeing you at the start of next term and wish you success as you embark on this exciting journey!
Warm Wishes,
Shania
President & Founder
The Mead School of Medicinal Plants
Photo Credit: Rommel Diaz, “Essential Oil,” 2016